hungergames_exo | Reveals/commenting post

suchen/krisyou hp!au

http://exomeme.dreamwidth.org/21186.html?thread=88701890#cmt88701890

http://exomeme.dreamwidth.org/21446.html?thread=89410758#cmt89410758

http://exomeme.dreamwidth.org/21446.html?thread=89884102#cmt89884102

http://exomeme.dreamwidth.org/22242.html?thread=93434850#cmt93434850

http://exomeme.dreamwidth.org/22242.html?thread=93807586#cmt93807586

pokemon!au

http://exomeme.dreamwidth.org/22242.html?thread=93409506#cmt93409506 – suho

http://exomeme.dreamwidth.org/22956.html?thread=97600940#cmt97600940 – chensoo

suhan daddy!au

http://exomeme.dreamwidth.org/21186.html?thread=88040898#cmt88040898

--

i'm a big anon, i can take whatever you throw (or plan to) throw at me. i'd really like to see what other people feel my writing is lacking because i feel like i know but at the same time ehhhh

i can take whatever you throw (or plan to) throw at me

i'll start you off by pointing out my poor proof reading skills.

lmao aww cute anon :*

this was amazing and i really loved it

i adored the suchen hp!au sfm anon ;;

aww ty anon :*

it was a pleasure to write

i'm just going to use this as a dump for pretty much everything i did for hg orz u__u (r.i.p showercat but hwaiting kainini!!)

Week 1:
hg: fanart (team shower panda)
http://exomeme.dreamwidth.org/20984.html?thread=87739384#cmt87739384
hg: taohun fanart (team sehun)
http://exomeme.dreamwidth.org/20984.html?thread=87752440#cmt87752440
hg: sad senpai fanart (team senpai)
http://exomeme.dreamwidth.org/21186.html?thread=88801730#cmt88801730
hg: luhannibal fanart (team showercat (if i can do that?))
http://exomeme.dreamwidth.org/21446.html?thread=89588166#cmt89588166
hg: fanart (team showercat)
http://exomeme.dreamwidth.org/21446.html?thread=90038214#cmt90038214
hg: fanart (team showercat)
http://exomeme.dreamwidth.org/21446.html?thread=90048454#cmt90048454
hg: fanart (team chan!)
http://exomeme.dreamwidth.org/21446.html?thread=90080198#cmt90080198

Week 2:
hg fanart: 3/9 eeveelutions
http://exomeme.dreamwidth.org/21894.html?thread=92096902#cmt92096902
hg: eeveelution fanart (5/9) (team showercat)
http://exomeme.dreamwidth.org/21894.html?thread=92607878#cmt92607878
hg: team kai fanart (team kai)
http://exomeme.dreamwidth.org/22242.html?thread=93418210#cmt93418210
hg: eeveelution fanart (7/9) (team showercat)
http://exomeme.dreamwidth.org/22242.html?thread=94050018#cmt94050018
hg: selu fanart (team showercat)
http://exomeme.dreamwidth.org/22515.html?thread=94581491#cmt94581491
hg: eeveelution fanart (8/9) (team kai)
http://exomeme.dreamwidth.org/22755.html?thread=95722211#cmt95722211

Week 2.5:
hg: eeveelution fanart (9/9) (team kai)
http://exomeme.dreamwidth.org/22956.html?thread=97283756#cmt97283756
hg: luhan fanart (team kai)
http://exomeme.dreamwidth.org/23257.html?thread=98345433#cmt98345433

Week 3:
hg fanart: sailor moon chankailay (team panini)
http://exomeme.dreamwidth.org/23332.html?thread=100756004#cmt100756004

omg anon everything is so good!

your eeveelution fanarts were so good :D

ty anon! ;__;

your eeveelution exo fanarts were so gorgeous

ilu :*

aw ty anon! they were my favorite to draw too u__u

i wrote the layna lovegood series

part 1: http://exomeme.dreamwidth.org/22515.html?thread=94563059#cmt94563059
part 2: http://exomeme.dreamwidth.org/22515.html?thread=94592243#cmt94592243
part 3: http://exomeme.dreamwidth.org/22515.html?thread=94681587#cmt94681587
part 4a: http://exomeme.dreamwidth.org/22956.html?thread=98101932#cmt98101932
part 4b: http://exomeme.dreamwidth.org/23257.html?thread=99186905#cmt99186905
part 4c: http://exomeme.dreamwidth.org/23257.html?thread=99187929#cmt99187929
part 4d: http://exomeme.dreamwidth.org/23332.html?thread=100375076#cmt100375076
part 4e: http://exomeme.dreamwidth.org/23332.html?thread=100375588#cmt100375588
part 4f: http://exomeme.dreamwidth.org/23332.html?thread=100376612#cmt100376612

crit/comments would be lovely but can i please just get some affirmation here that it made sense in the end lol?? i started writing the "part 4"s after sutao got eliminated so i had to fit them into the direction the first three parts were already going (and that i hadn't planned on continuing). i was just very nervous about everything being too messy to understand

sorry to all anons who were hoping for a full-on time travel fic ;;

don't worry it made sense ;~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~; it made sense and it clicked and then MY HEART HURT

a lot :c

but in a good way :c

so i forgive u and i love u

thank good, tysm anon. ♥ jw are you the one who suggested the "layna lovegood" name? i really loved it ;;

it made sense, don't worry. the story was great and i love your writing. i desperately tried not to tear up reading part 4 ;; why are hg yixing fics so tragic
ty for all your hard work for team lay :hearts;

aahh tysm anon! i am reassured ;;

\o/ thanks for reading my overly complicated fic ♥

okay well

toops:
boy you so fine
http://exomeme.dreamwidth.org/20984.html?thread=87730680#cmt87730680
bad boy good boy
http://exomeme.dreamwidth.org/21186.html?thread=88102594#cmt88102594
gotta catch baekhyun
http://exomeme.dreamwidth.org/21186.html?thread=88466626#cmt88466626)
elite kai would like to battle
http://exomeme.dreamwidth.org/22242.html?thread=93442530#cmt93442530
bye world
http://exomeme.dreamwidth.org/22242.html?thread=93832162#cmt93832162
$uho ♥ kai
http://exomeme.dreamwidth.org/22515.html?thread=95575027#cmt95575027
ot12 gif spam
http://exomeme.dreamwidth.org/23257.html?thread=98306521#cmt98306521
sleepy kai
http://exomeme.dreamwidth.org/22755.html?thread=96241123#cmt96241123
oppa will be a star
http://exomeme.dreamwidth.org/22956.html?thread=97465772#cmt97465772
jongin is da man
http://exomeme.dreamwidth.org/23257.html?thread=99108569#cmt99108569
exo derp
http://exomeme.dreamwidth.org/23332.html?thread=99768612#cmt99768612
hg maze
http://exomeme.dreamwidth.org/23594.html?thread=101382442#cmt101382442
run kai chanyeol is after yo ass
http://exomeme.dreamwidth.org/23594.html?thread=102080810#cmt102080810
kailay in hangul
http://exomeme.dreamwidth.org/23954.html?thread=102508178#cmt102508178
baby got bacne
http://exomeme.dreamwidth.org/23954.html?thread=102618514#cmt102618514

fic:
foul play (fem!kaibaek)
http://exomeme.dreamwidth.org/21186.html?thread=89222850#cmt89222850
growl!au (that i forgot to continue...)
http://exomeme.dreamwidth.org/21446.html?thread=89277382#cmt89277382
bye world (the one where sehun dies.. i'm sry)
http://exomeme.dreamwidth.org/21894.html?thread=91860614#cmt91860614
first kiss
http://exomeme.dreamwidth.org/22515.html?thread=94713843#cmt94713843
another first (sequel to first kiss)
http://exomeme.dreamwidth.org/22755.html?thread=95750371#cmt95750371
dude where's my car (sequel to bye world.. i'm sry)
http://exomeme.dreamwidth.org/23954.html?thread=102119570#cmt102119570

fanart:

(i gave up on this after round 1)

other:
sekai fanmix: bff edition (lol)
http://exomeme.dreamwidth.org/21446.html?thread=89253574#cmt89253574
animal (fanvid)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cZH9Wpj0Q5w

i might've forgotten some stuff.. idk

OMG I BOW AT YOUR FEET. TOOP GODDESS

lmao ty ;; i had fun making them!

your sense of humour is a treasure

lmao thank you so much! i.. tried

gdi ilu anon

aw ilu non :* ty!

anon kisseus for you for all the amazing toops and fanarts

amazing pffft lol but thank you so much! ;;

omg gj anon ilu so much :**

tysm anon :*** i had a good time!

your toops and fanart are the best ;; pleasure to be on the same team :**

team panini \o/ tysm!!

fuck yeah team panini. ur fanart was legit adorable, esp the pokemon ones ;~~;

thank you so much! :*

alright any anons here ready to give concrit cause i know i'll need it T_T

i like giving concrit actually but i take a long time to go through things. if you want to post your stuff, i can promise to come back to it next week when i have some time to do the job properly!

i won't be able to sit down with anything for a while but i will leave anons crit who ask for it!

to both of you i really appreciate it! i posted all of my fanfic.. stuff.. in the comment below and take all the time that you need to read them through. ;;

sa since it's almost 5am i'll just link all the fics here and then hopefully at least someone will try to leave some kind of..crit? first of all, none of these fics are proofread cause i suck at doing that (usually cause i'm too embarrassed of what i've written that i just want to get it out of my sight asap or also cause i'm afraid i'll change everything if i reread and well... i'm not that good)

before you start reading i just want to apologize

http://exomeme.dreamwidth.org/21186.html?thread=88449730#cmt88449730
http://exomeme.dreamwidth.org/21446.html?thread=89715910#cmt89715910
http://exomeme.dreamwidth.org/21446.html?thread=90035398#cmt90035398
http://exomeme.dreamwidth.org/22242.html?thread=94355682#cmt94355682
http://exomeme.dreamwidth.org/22515.html?thread=94632435#cmt94632435 <- this had so much potential and i messed it up ;; (friends!au)
http://exomeme.dreamwidth.org/22515.html?thread=95631603#cmt95631603
http://exomeme.dreamwidth.org/22515.html?thread=95662323#cmt95662323
http://exomeme.dreamwidth.org/22755.html?thread=95733987#cmt95733987
http://exomeme.dreamwidth.org/23332.html?thread=100451108#cmt100451108

sorry and go for it!

hi anon~ sorry i'm late but here's some crit for you~

- one thing that stood out to me right away was that there are inconsistent tenses in your fics. i think it's great that you use present tense and past tense to differentiate things that happened years ago, but within each of your "sections" you still have some flip-flopping tenses. a beta would sort this out np tho so it's not a huge concern

- personally i really like your short sections of paragraph!! really effective writing style to get across lots of time passing in few words. i also like how you start right in the middle of the action before going back to the past for backstory!

- glancing through the links you posted, i think i can tell which pieces you put a little more time in compared to others:
e.g. more time (imo~): http://exomeme.dreamwidth.org/21446.html?thread=90035398#cmt90035398 and less time: http://exomeme.dreamwidth.org/21186.html?thread=88449730#cmt88449730
the ones you spend more time flow more easily and seem to have more direction. they're also more descriptive, setting-wise, and more atmospheric. a lot of your pieces have dark themes which i think benefit a lot from descriptions/mood, so keep that up!

- in all honesty i think your work is not too bad, maybe a little sloppy/awkward sometimes but i think it's just because they're not looked over? sometimes the structure of your sentences seems a little weird, like you're trying to get across a lot of info in just one line. you should be a little more aware of how you're using punctuation -- you overuse commas a bit lol, and while for some pieces i feel like you did it to get across emotional urgency, be careful! don't go overboard. also, sometimes you use epithets (e.g. the younger, the smaller man) which i understand for that piece where d.o was nameless, but is not good in other situations.

e.g. the suit and all gadgets had been personally made by the unexpectedly handy elder and given to him a week earlier with a big grin stretched onto his face, which only made it harder for kyungsoo to say no and run away as fast as he could. (which he tried to do before he was caught by the much stronger and dragged off to his training.)

can be tightened up to (just my suggestions, of course you don't need to write like this):

The suit and all the gadgets had been personally made by his grandfather himself, who was surprisingly handy. He'd given them to Kyungsoo a week earlier, a big grin stretched across his face. His happiness made it difficult for Kyungsoo to say no, when all he wanted to do was run away as fast as he could. (He'd fail anyway. He tried running once, but had gotten caught with strong hands, dragged home, forced back into training.)

- when you have a lot of dialogue like from this piece http://exomeme.dreamwidth.org/22755.html?thread=95733987#cmt95733987, i feel like a lot of description behind each line of dialogue bogs down the readability of it. You skip some information too, which might help improve flow.

e.g. the fourth part of this fic:

chanyeol doesn’t gather enough courage to talk to kyungsoo again until three perfect full moons later, his earlier tries only ending up in his tongue tying and stomach twirling. [need a transition here!!]
“oh hey, didn’t see you there.” chanyeol almost sings, not caring about how obviously he had been observing kyungsoo just a few minutes earlier. [awkward phrasing]
“hello to you too, chanyeol.” kyungsoo muses and makes sure to keep a safe distance between the two.
“so you know.. i just wanted to apologize for.. you know..” the slytherin looks up at him with owlish eyes, head tilted to the side not even caring to hide his clearly amused smile. [epithet, can cut up sentence into two]
“don’t worry about it, okay?” he reaches up a hand to pat chanyeol’s shoulder but quickly pulls it back down after realizing how big the difference between their heights are. “it could’ve happened to anyone.” [great actually!! nothing to change]

can be slimmed down a lot (again these are just suggestions):

Chanyeol doesn't gather enough courage to talk to Kyungsoo again for months. Any previous attempts had been doomed by nerves, causing his tongue to tie and stomach to twirl before he got any words out. It takes him three full months to finally try again properly. He follows Kyungsoo down the hallway after class and hurries up behind him, purposely jostling into Kyungsoo's shoulder as he walks past.
"Oh, hey," Chanyeol says brightly, almost singing from his eagerness. "Didn't see you there."
"Hello to you too, Chanyeol," Kyungsoo says. He's keeping a safe distance between the two of them.
"So... I just wanted to apologize for... you know," Chanyeol says.
Kyungsoo looks up at him with owlish eyes. His head tilts, and he smiles, clearly amused. "Don't worry about it, okay?" He reaches up a hand to etc etc etc

- also i find that your pieces that focus on one person only (e.g. your d.o centric darker fics, or your chanyeol letter fic), there is very little in the fic that gives me a sense of characterization. if you didn't use the names of the members i would have difficulty realizing who i was reading about. whereas with your stories involving more members, you add characterization, e.g. chanyeol's eagerness in the section above, or tao's look being more confident than his voice in this fic http://exomeme.dreamwidth.org/23332.html?thread=100451108#cmt100451108. this is not necessarily a BAD thing if it's what you're going for in your POV-centric pieces, but i thought i'd mention it anyway

- about your friends fic! same stuff i already mentioned: tighten up/streamline your sentences, be careful of your punctuation and tenses, don't try to cram everything in at once. you get across a lot of STUFF, if you know what i mean, so please take your time exploring that stuff! make it more meaty like your moody pieces haha

hope this helps a little anon! take everything with a grain of salt please, it's just me and my little ol' opinions :*** gj for you though~ keep on writing!

i've been trying to work on my fic and art as hg au went along, so if any kind anons have time to leave concrit, i'd love you a lot ;;

please be as harsh as possible, i realize i have a lot of room to improve haha

one more so it'll hopefully collapse later

HANG ON THIS ISN'T CONCRIT BUT HELLO MY FANXING LOVELESS ANON HELLO MY YIXING SUSPENDERS ANON HELLO MY OTHER KRISLAYHAN FANMIX ANON HELLO MY LAYHAN MANGA ANON

whispers i love you

whispers i love you too omg i've had a few moments of am i talking to the same anon?? but by the end of it all i was just confused u_u but it's been a pleasure working with you!! :* ty for everything you've written and for inspiring me to make things too and for introducing me to some great tragic krislayhan songs i didn't have before n__n

(and um if you have any concrit for me i'll love you even more pls teach how to be great like u u___u)

a lot of random porn, concrit v v v much appreciated!

chenlay chinese lessons: http://exomeme.dreamwidth.org/21446.html?thread=89685958#cmt89685958

the seyeolxing thing
sexing: http://exomeme.dreamwidth.org/21894.html?thread=92702854#cmt92702854
seyeol: http://exomeme.dreamwidth.org/21894.html?thread=92851078#cmt92851078
threesome: http://exomeme.dreamwidth.org/22755.html?thread=95953379#cmt95953379

kaixing getaway car: http://exomeme.dreamwidth.org/22515.html?thread=94487539#cmt94487539

laychen writing on each other: http://exomeme.dreamwidth.org/23257.html?thread=98268121#cmt98268121

chenyeol superpowers: http://exomeme.dreamwidth.org/23257.html?thread=99110105#cmt99110105

kaixing animal healing thingy i never finished u__u : http://exomeme.dreamwidth.org/23594.html?thread=101393706#cmt101393706

chansoo genderswap: http://exomeme.dreamwidth.org/23594.html?thread=101442346#cmt101442346

unf all this porn was great anon! i especially loved the chansoo porn :*

anon your porn was sf hot

that chansoo :Q______

Reveals/commenting post

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+1

^^

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